Just Another Lover

I should have kicked you out last night.

Your choice in red wine wasn’t that impressive.

And that is why I didn’t sleep with you.

Dear Men,

Sorry that I’ve just re-entered the world of dating and meeting new people; I am not used to this whole “playing games” thing, so if you want to get with me, let me break it down for you. When I say…

• No: I mean, no. No to spending the night. No to taking off my clothes. No to sleeping with you.
• I am not comfortable with that: I mean, I am not comfortable with that. You do not have an invitation to take off my clothes, sleep with me or touch me inappropriately.
• I don’t like that: I mean, I genuinely don’t like that. Please stop touching me or whatever else inappropriate you are doing.
• I don’t want to: I mean, I don’t want to. I don’t want to have sex with you. I don’t want to kiss you. I don’t want you to kiss me. I don’t want to get naked. I don’t want to go out with you.
• I’m not interested: I mean, I am not interested. I am not interested in sleeping, kissing, touching, or going out with you.
• I don’t like to do this when I’ve been drinking: I mean, I don’t like to do this when I’ve been drinking/I am drunk. This applies to: hooking up with you or any other inappropriate thought you have about me.
• I want to nap: means, I want to nap. Not get naked. Not have sex. Not have you touch me. Just nap for a few.
• Leave me alone: when I say this, I mean leave me alone. Which leads me to my next point…
• Stop: means stop. Stop touching me and stop forcing me to do things I am uncomfortable with.

I don’t know if just every new guy who is attracted to me is an asshole with the intelligence and respect of a rock, but I am tired of this shit. I am allowed to be single, attractive, and not want to hook up or get with you. And if you get pissed about that fine. I don’t really care. Because if you really wanted to hook up with me, you’d get to know me. Because unlike my breasts and ass, that is the attractive part about me. And if you don’t want to do that, I do not want you. At all. Or Ever.

I hope you get the message.

Thank you,

K

#857640

My ideal man has a little bit of wit, a dash of charm, and is a little politically incorrect.

(My) Dating Rule #25

Pay for the meal. You’re out 20 bucks; my company is enlightening and if we work out, I will buy you something nice down the road that will totally make up for it.

I have more than enough money to buy my own meals and it is almost 100% socially acceptable to eat alone in restaurants. So, if you’re not going to pay and the conversation is mediocre and I can make the same meal at home for a dollar, why am I with you again?

Dating rule #14

If you don’t show up, you don’t measure up.

Why does the universe throw 4300458 men at you for 5% of the time and the other 95% you think you’ll be forever alone?

FWP.