Just Another Lover

I like my coffee how I like my men

Dark and a little bitter.

I should have kicked you out last night.

Your choice in red wine wasn’t that impressive.

And that is why I didn’t sleep with you.

Dear Men,

Sorry that I’ve just re-entered the world of dating and meeting new people; I am not used to this whole “playing games” thing, so if you want to get with me, let me break it down for you. When I say…

• No: I mean, no. No to spending the night. No to taking off my clothes. No to sleeping with you.
• I am not comfortable with that: I mean, I am not comfortable with that. You do not have an invitation to take off my clothes, sleep with me or touch me inappropriately.
• I don’t like that: I mean, I genuinely don’t like that. Please stop touching me or whatever else inappropriate you are doing.
• I don’t want to: I mean, I don’t want to. I don’t want to have sex with you. I don’t want to kiss you. I don’t want you to kiss me. I don’t want to get naked. I don’t want to go out with you.
• I’m not interested: I mean, I am not interested. I am not interested in sleeping, kissing, touching, or going out with you.
• I don’t like to do this when I’ve been drinking: I mean, I don’t like to do this when I’ve been drinking/I am drunk. This applies to: hooking up with you or any other inappropriate thought you have about me.
• I want to nap: means, I want to nap. Not get naked. Not have sex. Not have you touch me. Just nap for a few.
• Leave me alone: when I say this, I mean leave me alone. Which leads me to my next point…
• Stop: means stop. Stop touching me and stop forcing me to do things I am uncomfortable with.

I don’t know if just every new guy who is attracted to me is an asshole with the intelligence and respect of a rock, but I am tired of this shit. I am allowed to be single, attractive, and not want to hook up or get with you. And if you get pissed about that fine. I don’t really care. Because if you really wanted to hook up with me, you’d get to know me. Because unlike my breasts and ass, that is the attractive part about me. And if you don’t want to do that, I do not want you. At all. Or Ever.

I hope you get the message.

Thank you,

K

#857640

My ideal man has a little bit of wit, a dash of charm, and is a little politically incorrect.

No. 875039

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Dear men,

Please don’t talk to me if the only thing you want to do is sleep with me. Someone who wants my body that badly doesn’t deserve it and probably can’t handle it.

Sincerely,

K

No. 49856

I really like guys with tattoos. And I’m not just talking about one tattoo, I’m talking about full arm sleeves, on your collar bones, all over your torso tatted men. I think my mother would die of a heart attack if I ever brought someone with all that sexy ink home, but it kind of drives me wild to see men covered; maybe it is because I think they have gone through a lot and stand for a few important things.

Or I guess I just think it’s really sexy.

Why does the universe throw 4300458 men at you for 5% of the time and the other 95% you think you’ll be forever alone?

FWP.

Alright that’s it.

Time for a man who plays me rock n roll ballads. I don’t even care if he wears eyeline and the tighter the pants, the better.


Any suitors? I promise I’m a good muse.

Dear cowardly men,

It’s 100% fine if you’re not interested in me. Honestly. Why? Because if you’re not interested in a successful, dean’s list honour student, who is in moderately good shape, who can sing, has a great family, and the world at her finger tips, then you’re not a man the type of guy I want to be with anyways. But please, just have the decency to say “sorry, I’m not interested” to let me know what the hell is going on. Don’t worry, I won’t bitch at you (because you aren’t worth my time…) and I won’t go crazy on your ass (even behind your back). Let’s be civilized, and have some straight communication.

That is all.

K.